Swan Dive
by Naomi Hunter
Summary: Koenma angst fic. Yaoi. (teen) Koenma-sama is in love with Yusuke, but he /knows/ just how out of reach the spirit detective is. Happy ending, I promise. slight bit of Hiei-x-Kurama. Takes place after Genkai's death. R&R No flames, I will hunt you down an


****

Swan Dive

By: Naomi Hunter.

Lyrics: "Swan Dive" by: Ani DiFranco.

__

*Cradling the softest 

And warmest part of you in my hands

Feels like a baby bird, fallen from the nest

I think that your body is something I understand…*

I stood behind Yusuke, each sob that was resonating from him made my heart twinge. I had tried being indifferent—I knew, we _all_ knew once Genkai passed on her powers she would die, we _all_ knew she wouldn't want us to grieve so…but,…why did it have to hurt so bad? Why did Yusuke have to feel such pain and torment.

"Yusuke…" I whispered, the words barely passing my lips. He sniffled quietly and glared at me, making my heart flinch. His dark eyes were narrowed and glistened with fresh tears.

"_What?_" 

A lump formed in my throat, making me feel like I couldn't breathe, let alone speak; my vocal chords felt tight and strained.

"She….Genkai wouldn't have wanted you to cry…." _I don't want you to cry._

"Go away."

"Yusuke….it's not your fault. You knew when you took her Spirit Orb that she would die without it. She came to this tournament knowing that Tagoro would kill her—" He was faster than ever as he grabbed me around the collar. 

"Shut up, you pacifier junkie! Just shut up! Urusei! Teme! Shiseiji!" He screamed at me, shaking slightly. I stayed as limp as a rag-doll. 

__

Yusuke…. 

After calling me a few more things, his voice gave out and he just shoved me back. I landed on my bottom, staring down at the ground. 

His voice came out low and husky as he cursed Genkai for being so selfish, for going when she knew she'd die. He sat down on a rock and held his head in his hands, starting to cry again. 

I gradually stood, brushing off my clothing. I stepped slowly to him and placed my hand on the back of his neck, pulling his face close to me. Yusuke threw his arms around my torso and hid his face in the folds of my shirt. I kept my teeth fastened to my pacifier, holding back on everything. I stroked his soft hair that fell neatly around his face. I always liked it when he had his hair down and un-gelled. I sat back on the stone ground and held him tightly in my arms. 

__

Don't Cry, Yusuke…

"Why…? Why did she have to do it?!" He pleaded as if I had all of the answers. 

"Yusuke-kun…..this was preordained, those two were fated to meet here on that day, at that time. It was destined that Genkai gave her powers to you and died at Tagoro's hand. She went into this knowing it."  
"But, _why_, she didn't _have to_ go!"  
"No, Yusuke. She was not one to run from her fate, Genkai was never one to do so. She left this upon you, Yusuke…it is now _your_ destiny to defeat Tagoro, Yusuke, it is in your grasp, you can do it."

"No, I can't…not without Genkai to bitch at me and call me a dimwit and all of that—"  
"Yusuke, you can do this, you dimwit." I half-smiled and he only frowned. 

"It's not the same." He said as I cupped his face in my hands.

"_Listen to me,_ Genkai left us a message. She wants some peace and quiet while she's up in the Reikai, she doesn't want any dimwits bothering her, so don't think about joining her. You have to get in there with Tagoro, Yusuke, she knows you can do it." He stayed quiet then pushed out of my embrace. 

__

*I think that I'm happy 

I think that I'm blessed

I've a lack of inhibition

I've had a loss of perspective

I've had a little bit to drink

But it's making me think

That I can jump ship and swim

And the ocean will hold me 

There's got to be more to this boat I'm in…*

My heart was fluttering like a trapped bird, just staring at him, just from holding him, just from my predilection. Kami-sama knows how much I love him, and Kami-sama also knows how forbidden and untouchable he is for me. Everything was getting warmer around us and I could feel my ki begin to surge within me. I tried to contain it, though I wanted to throw myself into his arms and scream of how I hated to see him cry, how I wanted him, how I wanted him inside of me. 

Yusuke sat cross-legged in front of me, arms crossed and looking away. He looked so beautiful that I could barely restrain myself. In fact, I didn't. I let my pacifier, the only thing keeping me from speaking or kissing him, drop and I pressed my lips against his. His lips were softer than silk, but had a delicious coarseness to them and he tasted _so_ sweet, better than the nectar of the Gods. I pulled back quickly, pressing my hands tight against my mouth.

"I-I'm sorry!" I stammered, getting up quickly. He was expressionless as he picked up my pacifier and cleaned it on his shirt, then stuck it in his mouth momentarily, a quick in and out---

Something I'd seen ningen mothers do for their infants. He stood as well and held it out to me. I took it hesitantly, squeezing it tight into my palm. Yusuke, then turned and left me there. My heart tightened painfully and tears filled my eyes. 

_Yusuke…!_

__

*They can call me crazy if I fail or the chance that I may

Is one in a million and they can call me brilliant if I succeed

And gravity's nothing to me

Moving at the speed of sound

Just gonna get my feet wet till I drown

Teeter between tired

And really, really tired

I'm wiped and I'm wired

But it's just as well

I built my own empire 

Outta car tires and chicken wire

I'm queen of my own compost heap

And I'm getting used to the smell

I've had a lack of information

I've had a little revelation 

I'm climbing up on the rail and trying not to look down

I'm gonna do my best swan dive into shark infested waters…

I don't care if they eat me alive

I've got better things to do than survive …*

I trudged back to the hotel to find George awaiting me.

"Koenma-sama! Where have you been?! I've been so worried."  
"Please, George, leave me alone. You are dismissed for the night, go to another room, anything, just leave me be."  
"Koenma-sama?" He said as I shook my head.

"No….just go away, _please_." I said firmly, opening the door to my bedroom.

Dutiful as always I heard him leave after I had locked myself in. My heart was breaking, my spirit was dying. I unfolded my fist and stared at my pacifier. I slowly put it into my mouth, tasting the saccharine essence that was left by Yusuke's saliva. I lay back on the bed and continued to suckle on it, slowly soothing myself. Soon the flavor wasted away and left me hurting again. I wanted him so bad….but I knew I couldn't have him. Such the paradox, ne? I wanted him to touch me, I wanted it more than life itself. I undressed myself and stepped into the bath. The sudsy water reached my chin in teenage form and I slipped under. Maybe I could drown myself, that would fix it all. So I tried it. 2 minutes later and as blue as George I resurfaced, gasping for air. It wouldn't have helped anyway. I was a head honcho in the Reikai, I knew that by death nothing simply _went away_. That familiar ache in my manhood came again as I thought of him. I wanted him with every bit of me, but some parts wanted him even more. I touched myself guiltily and made myself think that my hand was Yusuke's. I bit down hard on the pacifier to prevent myself from screaming and crying as I tried to make myself come...

_ I need this…_

I pulled myself from the bath an hour or two later and fell into bed. I was too tired to think anymore.

__

*Cradling the hardest and heaviest part of me in my hands

This ship is pitching and heaving

My limbs are bobbing and weaving

I think that this is something I understand 

I need a couple vaccinations 

For my far away vacation…*

I had George fetch me Kurama in the morning. He would understand me with Hiei being as high-maintenance in the love department as he was. Besides, I rather liked Kurama since he became a Ningen, he had grown a lot wiser in such ningen arts.

He came to me, as fresh-faced and immaculate as ever, even though I could tell that he'd spent the night engaging in the only way Hiei could actually show his love. 

"You called, Koenma-sama." He said before taking a look at me. "Koenma-sama? Are you all right?"  
I smiled weakly and gestured to the chair. "Have some tea?" I offered as he frowned.

"Koenma-sama, you look horrible."   
"Thanks." I muttered as he came over and touched his fingertips gently to my cheek. 

"You've been crying." Kurama said, wearing that saddened frown all over his face. He softly flattened my tousled hair and sat beside me on the bed. 

The former-Youko opened his arms to me and I appreciatively settled myself in them. The kitsune was quite motherly and warm, despite his past persona.

"Koenma-sama, please, do tell me what troubles you?" He asked in his low, effeminate cadence.

"Yusuke…" 

"Yusuke, what?"  
"I kissed him….by accident, kind of…he rejected me…I think."  
Kurama continued to pet my hair and sighed quietly. "Yusuke is going through quite a hard time at the moment. I fear your timing may have been bad."  
"I know that!…I just didn't want him to cry anymore."  
"It's okay…"  
"No it isn't, Kurama, he loves Keiko, not me."   
"And I thought Hiei loved no one at all and look where I am." He said, making me look at him. "You'll never know if you don't tell him. It might take him some time, but…overall you might be surprised. I'm not saying this is a definite truth, but sitting around feeling sorry for yourself is no way to find out."  
"Can you….can you speak with him for me? Can you find out if he hates me?"  
"He doesn't hate you, Koenma-sama, he doesn't hate anyone, really. Aside from Tagoro, in all likelihood."

__

*Gonna go ahead and go bowling coz a little bird told me

That jumping is easy

And Falling is fun

Right up till you hit the sidewalk shivering and stunned…*

I listened to what Kurama told me and went looking for Yusuke. I found him right by the cave, basically where he left me. 

__

*They can call me crazy if I fail or the chance that I may….*

"Yusuke…" I whispered, the words barely passing my lips. My vocal chords tightened painfully again as he looked at me, but softer this time. 

"Koenma-sama…" He slowly looked away and patted the space beside him. I stood on the exact spot, but didn't sit. 

"Yusuke-san! Gomen Nasai! I…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have kissed you! I shouldn't have… I….I'm very sorry….I…..I just wanted you to know that I…that I'll be here for you and….that…" _I love you…_…." That…I…" Yusuke's hand quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me down, the other swiftly snatching the pacifier from my lips as he captured them with his own. I could taste his sweetness again and could feel his tongue exploring the inner caverns of my mouth. The heat flared up again and my youki went through the roof. _Urameshi Yusuke was kissing me…._ I nearly died right there in his arms.

He gently nuzzled my neck with his cute nose and began to place hot kisses down my throat. 

"_Thank you…_" he whispered into my ear, his lips brushing the lobe and sending chills down my back. 

"Oh, Yusuke….I love you…" I said in the same murmured hush. His hands roamed all over my petite body and I felt myself being pressed against the stone ground with his weight on top of me.

We were nose to nose when he smiled slightly and said. "Ore wa omae ga suki desu, 

Enma-chan."

My heart was beating at the speed of light. I was elated beyond belief and so relieved. I kissed him again and again allowing him whatever he wanted. And I was happy, because _Urameshi Yusuke loved me._

[Owari.]

a/n: Hello all. My first posted YYH fic. I'm more of a Hiei-x-Kurama girl, but, I found a new liking to Yusuke-x-Koenma. ^^ Teen Koenma is sexy, ne? Please R&R. I might continue this, who knows, but as for now it is a one shot. Who knows, I might even post some of my H-x-K. 

Mata! 

~© ~ Naomi Hunter ~© ~ 


End file.
